Obamalot - A Political Tragedie in Two Actes

200motels POLITICS

Comedy

Tragedy

Nonsense

Bullshit

Comedy

Tragedy

Nonsense

Bullshit

Comedy

Tragedy

Nonsense

Bullshit

OBAMALOT
A Political Tragedie in Two Actes

200motels Theater

Comedy

Tragedy

Nonsense

Bullshit

King Obama – I would consult with keeper of my counting
house, the young Sir Timothy.
Sir Timothy – Present, your highness. I regret my tardiness
in arriving at court,
But a crisis on Wall Street cut my trajectory short
Obama - What news then from the Walled Citadel?
Timothy - The moneylenders have taken up arms,
They complain that the new regulations are causing them
grievous harm,
By setting hew GAAP rules which limit how much debt they
may conceal,
The court has reduced the amounts they can steal,
They resent your new rules concerning their clothes,
Particularly about sewing up the pockets of their robes
Obama - If the previous kings had concerned themselves
less,
About deregulation we would not have to clean up their
mess,
We shall present our argument to the citizenry far and wide,
And on election day their votes will decide.
Soothsayer - Beware the first Tuesday in November!
Obama - Who speaketh?
[Silence]

Obama - Bring forth my consort!
Courtier - The Lady Michelle?
Obama - No dummy, my other consort, the
Fair Hillary.
Lady Hillary - I am present, your highness.
Obama - Fair Hillary,
Your sartorial splendor once again doth
provoke and amaze,
The vision of loveliness that fixes my gaze,
Like none since Aphrodite emerged from the
ocean waves,
Thy bright orange pantsuit doth suggest to me
both the sun and the moon,
From the front the blazing fury of the sun
setting behind the windswept dune,
And when thou showeth thy rear the golden
orbs representing the phases of the moon.
What news from foreign lands?
Hillary - As my liege hath observed, my time is
relentlessly occupied with cleaning up the
mess left by previous kings,
A fine pile of manure they made out of things,
It’s now been discovered a decision they made,
To infect Latin America with syphilis and AIDS.
Obama - To what end?
Hillary - I know not, to be sure,
The sole motive being that they dared not do it
here.
Obama - What progress on the pollution
fouling our southern shores?
Hillary - A satellite photo taken on that fateful
day,
Shows a boatload of Republicans sneaking
away,
Stocked with dynamite from gunwales to
hatches,
And John Boehner holding a box of matches,
We surmise that their motive in blowing up the
oil rig,
Was to reduce the environment to a level of
destruction only fit for a pig,
To present to the populace in advance of the
election,
As an example of the current regime’s gross
dereliction.
Obama – Make sure that the photo is
distributed to all the town criers in time for the
evening news,
Then Boehner and Mitch McConnell for ballast
to plug up the leaks shall we use.
Hillary - I petition my lord grant me leave to fly,
To Cairo and Jerusalem where I will yet again
try,
To get those warring peoples to agree to a
stabilized regional plan,
Then off to Iraq and Afghanistan,
To outflank the mad mullalhs of Iran.
Obama - Sounds like a sound plan to me,
I wish thee godspeed.
Rahm Emanuel - Trust her not!
She doth deceive thee.
Obama - Who speaketh?
I hear a voice but I see you not.
Courtier - Your highness, nobody spoke.
Emanuel - I speak from beyond the political
grave, from the wasteland of Chicago,
Keep Hillary Clinton in thy closest embrace,
However destructive her presence may be to
holding onto your political base,
She serves not you but another master,
And I mean Bill Clinton who is a devious
bastard,
They wait in the wings plotting your
destruction,
And then your replacement by her,
With him pulling the strings and giving
instructions.
Obama - O perfidy!
It shall not come to pass [arises, drawing his
sword]
The Court - The king has gone mad!
He is hearing visions.
Emanuel - Drink not the ale,
It is laced with Viagra to induce you to chase
strange tail,
Then Lady Michelle will go upside your head
with a putter,
Oprah will forsake you,
And you’ll end up one sorry muther.
Obama - [waves the sword]
Mark me, it shall not come to pass!
Get me to Air Force One,
Hillary must not alight!

King Obama - Don’t try anything funny,
You ain’t flying no place tonight, honey!
Lady Hillary - Have you taken leave of your senses?
I thought we had a deal to rule by consensus,
The party is more important than any single personality,
Put down that sword or your name will go down in infamy.
Obama - Deceitful woman, do you think I was born just
yesterday?
You have plotted my demise and now you must pay
[runs her through]
Rahm Emanuel - Wait a minute schmuck,
I told you to keep her not kill her,
Now you have committed a serious political error
For capital murder insanity is no defense,
It’s obvious you have taken leave of your senses,
The only solution is for you to take our own life and least let the
country off the hook,
That way you won’t seem like such a snook.
Obama - You’re right! Oh farewell,
Azure sphere of golden life that is my home,
Oh earthly delights like hamburgers and sparkling beers of foam,
Of speeches and heroic deeds,
And fair Michelle in dresses with no sleeves,
No longer will I tread this mortal coil,
No more policy wonk debates that burn the midnight oil,
Farewell Kool and the Gang, farewell Tower of Power,
Only death awaits and I must follow!
[turns the sword on himself and runs himself through]
Friar Biden - To all assembled here,
I bid you have no fear,
Though our kingdom has lost two of its leading lights,
Who knows what political opportunities may yet arise!
Think of the sympathy vote that we can anticipate as the
country comes to terms with its grief,
Retaining control of Congress may yet cause great relief,
A monument will surely arise on the National Mall,
Recounting the rise of Hope and Pride’s benighted fall,
Indeed in the future ages may choir voices ring,
“Barack, you did a fuckin beautiful thing!”
[Exunt]

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ACTE TWO
Air Force One

ACTE ONE
The White Castle