| 200motels POLITICS |
| Comedy |
| Tragedy |
| Nonsense |
| Bullshit |
| 200motels BEIJING OLYMPICS |
| Comedy |
| Tragedy |
| Nonsense |
| Bullshit |
| 200motels POLITICS |
| Comedy |
| Tragedy |
| Nonsense |
| Bullshit |
The Ballad of Helmer Toro |
| 200motels Crime |
| Comedy |
| Tragedy |
| Nonsense |
| Bullshit |
| REPRINT FROM PAGE 6 OF THE NEW YORK POST February 22, 2006 -- A crusty clash has broken out at world-famous H&H Bagels between owner Helmer Toro and his fired-up former quality-control manager, [200motels]. And it's going to take more than cream cheese to cool the boiling temper of [200motels], who claims that after he was fired from the legendary Upper West Side bagel mecca last year for "insubordination," his old boss wrongly listed him as a company officer - resulting in the state Department of Taxation sending him a $20,000 bill. In addition to filing a complaint against Toro with Manhattan DA Robert Morgenthau's office, [200motels] has struck back by writing a scathing poem about the owner of H&H, whose many celebrity customers include Barbra Streisand, Dustin Hoffman and Mike Myers. Among the more cutting couplets in "The Ballad of Helmer Toro": "His production plant is such a rancid stinking nightmare/That even the rats and roaches are afraid to go in there/With putrid grease and moldy dough stinking like a gutter/The health inspector gave it a lower rating than the black hole of Calcutta." [200motels] snipes at Toro: "He'll go down in history like the Three Stooges/On the Mount Rushmore of monumental scrooges/What he lacks in intelligence he makes up for in thieving greed/He would suck up the world in a black hole of avarice/If he could figure out how to succeed." Toro's lawyer, Jorge Delgado, told us that he, too, has been on the business end of [200motels'] vicious tongue. "It's unfortunate that it's come to this," Delgado said. "I've never in my life received e-mails like this. He even called me an imbecile." Delgado confirmed that H&H made a "mistake" when it named [200motels] as a company officer after he was canned, but claims 200motels has yet to send the proper paperwork to straighten out the tax situation. "He was dismissed for insubordination," said Delgado, who declined to elaborate. "He knows he can call the office and send us the proper documents to have this matter resolved. But it appears he has a personal vendetta against the president of the company." |
| Well, duh, who wouldn't? |
| The Ballad of Helmer Toro When Helmer was a little fatman His mama said to him “One day you will be the King of Broadway but I’ll tell you something real Since you are a mental moron you’ll have to find a way to steal” Helmer found a piece of dough And rolled it into a bagel “Now I found a calling where I am able I’ll throw some sesame on top then I’ll have something really seedy I may not be so smart But I am fucking greedy Who cares if I’m wrong or right? What I’ve got here is an idiot’s delight A hard crust on the outside And at the center nothing It’s a poetic metaphor of my mind, a miniscule intelligence That even a microscope would be hard-put to find I’ll put together an army of idiots With me as the central scheming brain Nobody will figure out that I am totally freakin’ lame The morons of the world will genuflect will scrape and cower For the privilege of working in the steam box for six bucks an hour I’ll be the King of Broadway with my squeaky voice and rubber Halloween mask of a clown And if anyone has the audacity to talk back to me I’ll scream like a banshee and put him six feet in the ground” For his factory manager he appointed a woman whose totality Was so involved in psychosis she could not discern reality She called this worker’s house and told his wife he was cheating on her And when the guy’s wife took roach poison and almost died Helmer gave the guy a one dollar raise to keep him satisfied His production plant is such a rancid stinking nightmare That even the rats and roaches are afraid to go in there With putrid grease and moldy dough stinking like a gutter The Health Inspector gave it a lower rating than the black hole of Calcutta The sidewalk in front is so infected with filth and disease Walking there is like ice skating on pure grease The pushcart vendors who are his next door neighbors are such slobs They are killing encephalitic pigeons and roasting them on spits for shish kebob Oh Helmer he is rich but not in terms of money He’s rich in terms of comic idiocy But it ain’t funny He’ll go down in history like The Three Stooges On the Mount Rushmore of monumental Scrooges What he lacks in intelligence he makes up for in thieving greed He would suck up the world in a black hole of avarice If he could figure out how to succeed And when the final accounting of Helmer’s career is through They’ll have to build a special cage for him and all his idiot relations in the Bronx Zoo |
| So it wasn't just a schmear campaign. The city's biggest bagel maker will serve 50 weekends in jail after pleading guilty in Manhattan today to second degree grand larceny for pocketing $369,000 in payroll taxes. Helmer Toro, founder of H & H Bagels, must also pay back more then $500,000, a pile of dough that factors in all his tax arrears, interest and penalties. The bagel big admitted he withheld $337,000 from his workers' paychecks between 2003 and 2009, and simply kept the money. Toro also admitted taking the remainder of the money by registering some 89 payroll names under a succession of new shell companies so that he could pay their unemployment insurance taxes under the lowest rate, reserved for brand new businesses. As part of the restitution deal, he has pledged as collateral the $500,000 mortgage on his main bakery plant at 45th Street and 12th Avenue -- where he has boasted of making 80,000 bagels a day. H&H Bagels have received film and TV shout-outs by Woody Allen, Jerry Seinfeld, Carrie Bradshaw of Sex in the City, Turtle of Entourage and Dwight of The Office. "Under no circumstances can employers gain in business by cheating their employees," said Manhattan DA Cy Vance. "The city's businesses must adhere to ethical standards and contribute to the tax revenue of the city and state, as well as protect their employee's interests." |
| Reprinted from Huffington Post |
| Here is the poem Helmer Toro tried, and succeeded, in repressing - until now! |
| Helmer faces the music in criminal court for ripping off his own employees! |
| The last time I saw this fool, he told me, "I don't like your face". Well, get a load of his kisser! |
| Get th' fuck outta here! |
