| 200motels POLITICS |
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| Tragedy |
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| Bullshit |
| 200motels BEIJING OLYMPICS |
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| 200motels POLITICS |
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The DC Hustler: Fast Eddie Obama vs. Fatman Rush Limbaugh |
| 200motels SPORTS |
| Comedy |
| Tragedy |
| Nonsense |
| Bullshit |
| Pool hustler Fast Eddie Obama walks into the poolroom in the basement of the Mayflower Hotel, followed by his sidekick Rahm Emanuel. “This is it, Rahm”, he tells him. “The big time. When I remember all the time I spent hustling nickels and dimes off those hicks in the boondocks! And now we’re in Washington DC playing for the big stakes. Pinch me so I know I’m not dreaming!” |
| “Not ‘til you beat the Fatman. When we got the money in our pocket, then I’ ll believe it.” Obama calls to the poolroom attendant, “Hey friend, can we take any table?” “Any table”. “Is it true that Fatman Rush Limbaugh comes into this pool hall?” “The Fatman comes in here every night at eight ‘o clock. Eight ‘o clock tonight, he’ll be here”. Obama says, “I better start practicing now. Rack ‘em up, Rahm!” |
| Eight ‘o clock on the dot, Fatman Rush Limbaugh walks into the place all dressed in black, like Johnny Cash. He walks up to Obama. “I hear you been looking for me”. “Fatman, I been hearing about you all my life. And now I’m going to beat you”. “We’ll see about that, son. Rack ‘em up!” Obama breaks. He says to the Fatman, “I didn’t leave you much”. “You left me enough. Texas in the side pocket.” Sinks it. “Tea Party in the corner pocket”. Sinks it. “Sarah Palin, side pocket”. Sinks it. Fatman walks around the table, getting shot after shot until he misses one. Obama steps up to the table. “Afghanistan War, side pocket”. “Chinese currency revaluation, corner pocket”. “Stabilization of the financial markets, corner pocket”. Obama walks around table, clearing the table. He says to the Fatman, “Wanna raise the stakes?” “What’d you have in mind?” “A national health insurance plan”. Rahm Emanuel rushes over. “Are you sure you want to bet the whole bankroll on one game? Why not go for it a piece at a time?” “Because I feel hot. Run out and get me some beers”. They get to the end of the game and all Obama needs is to get one last shot, but it’s a very tricky shot. Among the crowd of men watching the game is Tiger Woods. Fast Eddie Obama calls Tiger Woods over and asks him, “Tiger, how would you handle this shot?” “I would very gently thrust the shaft until I could ease the ball into the hole”. Obama says, “Watch this. I call this my Reconciliation Shot”. He does a very tricky behind-the-back bank shot and sinks the ball in the pocket. Joe Biden exclaims, “That was a fucking beautiful thing you just did”. |
| Fatman Rush Limbaugh screams, “You cheated. You can’t use that Reconciliation Shot!” “We won, we won!” Obama yells. “ We got health insurance. Pay up, sucker! If you want to fight over this, we can have that fight!” Rahm Emanuel says, “Let’s go, kid, while we’re ahead”. “Not so fast! I feel hot. We play until Fatman Rush Limbaugh admits he’s beaten”. Limbaugh says, “I’m not ready to quit yet”. He tells Michael Steele, “Run down to the pharmacy and get me some oxycontin tablets”. Obama sends Timothy Geithner out for more beers. They play for hours. By now Obama is shitfaced from drinking beers in the corner with Prof. Louis Gates. He becomes dead drunk and loses all his winnings back to Limbaugh, who calmly walks out of the place while Obama collapses and falls on his face. Later, in their room at the Mayflower, Rahm Emanuel tells Fast Eddie, “We’re broke. You’re a retard, Fast Eddie. You always been a retard and you’ll always be a retard”. Obama says, “We have to split up, Rahm. Here’s your share of the last few bucks. Sorry, Rahm”. |
| Obama takes his satchel and goes down to the bus station, where he checks it in a metal locker. In the cocktail lounge of the bus terminal, he meets a woman drinking by herself. “Hi, I’m Barack Obama. My friends call me Fast Eddie”. “I’m Nancy Pelosi. I’m the emancipated type”. “Nancy, what say I pick up a bottle of scotch and we go back to your room?” “Ordinarily, I’d say that you were a little young for me, but OK”. Back at the room, Obama tearfully tells Nancy Pelosi, “I’m sorry I couldn’t do it, but I’m a little depressed”. “But, why?” “My manager told me that I’m a retard and I’ll always be a retard”. Nancy Pelosi shakes him by his collar. “You’re not a retard. You are the Chosen One, the Golden Child. You are the hope of the entire world, and I love you. Now, I want you to go back to the pool hall, and I want you to play Rush Limbaugh, and I want you to beat him. Do it for America!” “But I don’t have anything left to bet with”. “That’s not true. You still have your political capital. Bet that!” Obama exclaims, “You’re right! I’ll show that fat slob how we play pool at Harvard!” He grabs his pool cue and runs out the door. |
| He finds the Fatman at the pool hall and tells him, “Limbaugh, let’s shoot some pool.” Limbaugh smiles, “What’s the bet?” “All my political capital against the $900billion stimulus package”. Limbaugh says, “Rack ‘em up!” They play all night. Obama runs the table game after game until he has the whole $900billion. Limbaugh throws his pool cue on the table. “You win, Hossein. I’m cleaned out”. Just then, Rahm Emanuel walks in. “Just hold on, there, Fast Eddie. Half of that money belongs to me”. “How do you figure?” “I’m still your manager. We got a contract”. “What if I don’t pay?” “Then I have my guys from Chicago break your arms and everything else”. “Well, then you better kill me, because whatever’ s left of me is going to come back after you”. Obama tells Rahm Emanuel, “I’m not the retard, you are. Because all you care about is winning, and what good is it to have a successful political agenda if it means the loss of your eternal soul?” Rahm Emanuel reflects. Then he says, “All right, Fast Eddie. You can walk out this one time. But don’t ever show your face again in the Mayflower Hotel”. |
| Kiss me, ya big lug! |
| Fuckin Beautiful!!!!! |
| OBAMA BEER ALERT! |
| DRINK BEER HAVE NO FEAR! |
| Where's my money? |