200motels POLITICS
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200motels BEIJING OLYMPICS
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200motels POLITICS
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Famous Tweets Throughout History
200motels Technology
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Tragedy
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People are getting stoopider and stoopider. As we
progress on our inexorable ascent back up that
ancestral family tree from whence descended our
illustrious antecedents, we are assisted in that
endeavor by the newest innovation in digital
technology that our little, ape-like hands have
been able to fashion – text messaging.
Let there be no mistake. The public has spoken.
Disheartened and frustrated by the evolution of
human communication into complex constructions of
thought and language that have left it feeling
increasing marginalized and inadequate, society is
striking back with a literary counter-revolution
that elevates even the dullest dimwit to the level
of a Shakespeare or a Nietzsche – tweeting,
which reduces all of human wisdom and experience
to the level of a retarded two year-old.
But alack and alas! There is nothing new under
the sun. The compression of human endeavor into
a few stunted characters is not a recent
phenomenon. It has always been going on, aided
by the primitive forms of technology available to
our progenitors – jungle drums, carrier pigeon, the
telegraph. What is revolutionary is that the
Twitter technology has delivered illiteracy into
the service of those who have the least to say,
the average garden variety twits who populate
and fashion our Brave New World.
Just to demonstrate how tweeting has always
existed, and as a standard against which our
contemporary vulgarized culture may be measured,
200motels has plumbed the archives of history for
useful relics of abbreviated collective wisdom. As
the child is father to the man, so may these
ancient tweets prepare us for a new golden age
of diminished intellectual capacity.
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“Ate a nice nurse for lunch” – Hannibal Lecter
“Had sex with the whole palace guard, including
the horses” – Catherine the Great of Russia
“Getting ready for my big speech to the Roman
senate” – Julius Caesar
“Looking forward to a pleasant evening at the
theater” – Abraham Lincoln
“Can’t decide between the pink dress and the
blue dress” – Rudolph Giuliani
“Wonder what I can get for Madonna as part
of the ‘Cash for Clunkers’ program” – A-Rod
“Have developed a design for a new safety
razor” – Dr. Guillotine
“At last I have succeeded in creating the
perfect hockey player” – Dr. Frankenstein
“Another perfect morning at Pearl Harbor” –
Admiral Nimitz
“All I need is one more whale and I can sail
for home port” – Capt. Ahab
“I feel lucky” – Gen. Custer