Jackie Mason: The Ulitmate Jew Live On Broadway. Review

200motels POLITICS

Comedy

Tragedy

Nonsense

Bullshit

200motels BEIJING OLYMPICS

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200motels POLITICS

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Jackie Mason Live At The Opera
Jackie Mason, The Ultimate Jew Live On Broadway

200motels Theater Review

Comedy

Tragedy

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Bullshit

Why is it that Oprah Winfrey has got billions of dollars,
millions of adoring admirers and her own television
network, while Jackie Mason can only claim a handful of
Staten Island garbage collectors as his fan base and a
dog house in Secaucus, New Jersey, named for him? Did
you ever wonder about that?

Probably not. No decent, cultivated
American would ever be caught
dead openly contemplating the
artistic renderings of such a
coarse, uncouth swine as Mason,
whose most notable literary
offering is a volume of insults and
invective entitled “Schmucks”,
wherein he inveighs, in the basest
possible terms, against all the
values that refined, educated
people embrace.

Whereas Oprah’s stated goal is to
bring out those qualities of
generosity and magnificence that
she deems to be inherent in the
human character, Jackie sees
humanity from a rather different
perspective. His act is a pregnancy
test that turns blue when exposed
to the grasping, greedy, porcine
motivations that propulse human
behavior at its basest level. Mason’s
foul invective unleashes the vile
petroleum deposit of animal instinct
that lies buried beneath the
oceanographic surface of hypocrisy
until it is released into the pristine
blue waters of civilized delusion to
foul the surface, unleashed, like the
putrid vomit gusher of the
“Exorcist” girl, with surgical
precision.

Nobody can stand Mason’s propensity for blowing down that
house of cards of humane gentility that society has
constructed with ever-so-loving care over a fault line of
craven, cringing servility. Whatever base of good will he
enjoyed among refined New Yorkers was swept away when
he characterized the city’s popular (among Manhattanites,
anyway) African-American former mayor, David Dinkins, as
resembling “a fancy men’s room attendant”. After that, it was
all downhill for ol’ Jackie.

You can’t make this stuff up. Lenny
Bruce, who came to an
ignominious end for tweaking the
nose of Americans’ propensity for
self-delusion, used to do a bit
where the old button vendor, who
had put his kids through Oxford,
receives a visit from them. The
kids have cultivated a British
accent like that of freakin
Madonna, before she was given
the unceremonious boot by her
erstwhile Brit husband, Guy
Ritchie, who now refers to her as
“it”.

“Vell, how vas Enklandt?”
“Please, Pater, when are you ever
going to learn the Queen’s
English!”
"Vas? Vas?"

Notwithstanding the historical fact
that the Jewish presence in the
New World extends back to
Columbus’ voyages of discovery,
where many of the ship’s officers
and sailors were Spanish
“marranos”, or secret Jews, and
the fact that the first official
Jewish community settled in New
York City in 1651, predating every
ethnic group here except the
Dutch and the Native Americans,
Mason, for purposes of comedic
abbreviation, or out of ignorance,
chooses to define them as a lump
of imbecilic Eastern European
matzo balls operating sewing
machines and hoarding their
money in mattresses. This has
earned him no end of enmity
among the descendants of these
original greenhorns, who perceive
themselves to be the spiritual
heirs of (God help me) Edith
Wharton and Jane Austin.

Jackie Mason picks up this ball and runs with it. Despite
complaints from Blacks and Hispanics (not to mention the
bottomless scorn of gentiles), Mason saves his worst shots
for the Jews, and he carries on endlessly. Jews gorging
themselves on ocean cruises, refusing to exercise, blaming
their morbid obesity on an ethereal “metabolism” condition.
It never ends, and it’s intended to provoke the same
sensibilities in Jews that the Sopranos TV series provoked
among Italian-Americans, where it drove them up the wall.

From Jackie Mason’s perspective,
gentiles only exist as bogeymen to
scare your kids. “Don’t get me
wrong. There’s a lot of decent
gentiles. Where they are, nobody
knows”. He exudes malevolence
with such glee that, like Don
Rickles and Buddy Hackett, it
makes him entertaining to watch.
No wonder they hate Jackie
uptown. In his world of goniffs,
schnorrers and schmatte
salesmen, any kind of civilized
refinement is superfluous. Every
word out of his mouth is dedicated
to outraging gentile sensibilities.
On the ballet: “She throws herself
at this guy and he don’t want her.
She throws herself at that guy, he
don’t want her. And what’s the deal
with dancing on her tiptoes? Can’t
they find a taller girl?”

One thing Jackie can’t tolerate is the French. “Where did the French get a
reputation for elegance and class and style? The French happen to be the
lowest sonovabitches in the world. And I say this with the highest respect.
There’s nobody lower than the French. When you go to Paris, nobody treats
you with more arrogance and obnoxiousness than the French. We saved
them in two world wars. In two world wars! You would think that when you
went there they would come out with a piece of cake, a cuppa coffee. Instead
they look at you [screws up his face] with that contemptuous, obnoxious
dreck attitude. Sonovabitches! When I was in Paris, I saw all those Paris-ites,
and I’m telling you the truth. Sonovabitches. Everybody said we wanted their
support for Iraq. Who needed their support for Iraq? They never fought a
war, they can’t fight a war, every time a war came, they came running to the
English, the Americans, those sonovabitches! They never won a war, they
only won one war, the French Revolution, and that’s because THEY WERE
FIGHTING EACH OTHER!
“The French are the filthiest people in the world. Why do you think they have
so much water to put in the bottles? Because they never take a bath. Why do
you think they invented perfume? BECAUSE THEY STINK! Everybody tells you
the French people have their noses in the air. THEY CAN’T BREATHE! Why do
you think there’s no crime in France? Because when the guy says ‘Stick ‘em
up’, they raise their arms and he passes out.
“I don’t wanna talk too much about the French. They’re not worth the
attention, those sonovabitches! These are the biggest cowards in the world.
Didja hear the French navy is the only navy that has glass-bottom boats? You
know why? So they can see their air force.
“I hope I didn’t insult anybody with anything I said”.

Bill Clinton was not Jackie’s
favorite president. “You know why
Clinton was always running around
in his shorts? People thought he
was doing exercise. He was not
doing exercise. He had so many
broads that he had no time to put
his pants on. Clinton is such a liar
that he can’t practice law. Too
crooked to be a lawyer! Everybody
said he was an expert at foreign
policy. You know why? Because
every time they told him ‘We’re
having trouble abroad’ he said, ‘A
broad? Let’s go!’”

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Israel is not
spared. Jackie
didn’t feel
comfortable in a
country filled with
foreign Jews
coming from
disparate racial
origins. “I thought I
was in a South
Bronx
neighborhood
filled with Puerto
Ricans. And they’re
tough people. That’
s why they never
invite American
Jews to come and
fight for them. They’
re afraid they’ll get
a bunch of physical
rejects, like Woody
Allen”.

Jackie pokes fun at George Bush
for being so mentally vacant, but
he really goes to town on the
Democrats, whom he regards as
sexual degenerates. After
exhausting the subject of Bill
Clinton, whom he regards as a
lying, whoremongering piece of
garbage, he moves on to
disgraced former New York
governor Eliot Spitzer, who is
good for a full five-minute barrage
of explosive abuse and venomous
disparagement, and, finally, to
Spitzer’s successor David
Patterson, who in addition to being
a self-admitted serial sexual
philanderer, has the additional
comedic enticement of being
visually impaired. “How did I know
there were so many women?” he
has Patterson saying. “I couldn’t
see them so I thought it was the
same girl!”

Which all goes to show that for all Jackie Mason’s talent for
insults and buffoonery, he is an idiot and a moron, although
that doesn’t make him any less entertaining as a performer.
The world needs idiots. The present configuration of
Seinfelds, Adam Sandlers and Steven Colberts (a Harvard man
whose real name is Lipschitz, and who gave himself a name
with a French inflection, no less, Colbert sounds like a gag
that Jackie Mason would have thought up) – not funny! The
comedy business is too full of wooden stool philosophers like
Bill Cosby, who got an honorary doctorate from some
university and now considers himself to be an expert at
something or other, who now addresses college
commencement ceremonies with a flat professor hat on his
head – not funny!

I personally don’t believe Jackie’s a racist. He
lives in New York City, where there are a lot of
Black people, and they are fair game like
everybody else. But, like every other group,
they are thin-skinned about what you say about
them. New Yorkers are unbelievably coarse to
each other but unbelievably sensitive when
they are on the receiving end. Jackie
complains that black hip-hop and comedy
performers can use the n-word as much as
they want, but when he does it, the public
goes ballistic. Nevertheless, he does the same
thing when slamming his own people. “This
Jew”, “that Jew”, “the Jews can’t jump” etc.
On a cruise, “the gentiles are running off to
this island, that island, but the Jews stay on
the boat because they might miss a meal. The
only time the Jews go ashore is for the duty-
free liquor. They spend three hundred
thousand dollars for a cruise, but they go nuts
when they can save eleven dollars on three
bottles of liquor. And they don’t even drink!”
But Jackie would go berserk if a Black
comedian carried on that way about the Jews.

The only public figure who gets off easy is,
get this, former New York mayor Rudolph
Giuliani, whom Mason reveres and
supports for the presidency. Never mind all
of Giuliani’s obvious vulnerabilities, which
any comedian could ride like a horse: the
cross-dressing; his first wife deserting him
to appear in “The Vagina Chronicles”; his
kids hating him; his attempt to shut down
the Brooklyn Museum because he didn’t
approve of one of its contemporary art
exhibits; the cops shooting up Black
people all over the place, including one
instance where they jammed a toilet
plunger up the guy’s butt in Brooklyn;
Giuliani’s spending $58 million to win the
Republican nomination without garnering
even a single delegate; his police
commissioner, Kerik, whom he promoted
for Director of Homeland Security, but who
is now serving a prison sentence for
corruption; his little buck-teeth Bucky
Beaver face. You could build a whole act
just on Giuliani, but Jackie Mason doesn’t
lay a glove on him. Get th’ fuck outta here!

The unifying element that
connects all these nerds is that
they are vulnerable to New York
society, and afraid that people will
laugh at them, a lamentable state
of affairs for a comedian. So I say,
right on, Jackie! Keep on being a
jackass, the Last Jew Standing.

Ladies and Gentlemen, The Mayor of New York City, Hizzoner
Rudolph "Freako" Giuliani

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Naturally, it’s all in fun, but that’s
not going to win him any friends
among the WASP community, where
you tell them a joke and they all
retire to an adjoining room to
complain about you. For Jackie, life
is reduced to its most basic level.
Niagara Falls? It’s water falling. “
‘Look how high the water’s falling! It’
s falling’. You think that’s high?
Wait ‘til it starts raining. That’s even
higher!” The Grand Canyon? “It’s a
hole. Goyim (gentiles) come from all
over the world to look at a hole!
There’s nothing in the hole, it
doesn’t move. What’s in the hole?
Nothing. That’s why it’s a hole! The
gentiles are looking, the Jews are
wondering ‘What the fuck are they
looking at?’”