ELI MANNING:
The Kid Stays In The Picture
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It's hard to imagine, but some old people used to
be young.

One time there was a star struck young man from
New York who ran out on his family business and
went to Hollywood to be in pictures.  He landed a
hot part as the bullfighter that Ava Gardner runs
away with in the film version of Hemingway's
"The Sun Also Rises."

The wise guy film executives who were a bunch
of trash talking, backbiting, bottom-feeding
lowlife schmucks, ran to the film's producer,
Darryl F. Zanuck, and complained about the
young actor.  "This guy stinks!" they exclaimed.  
"He's a loser.  He can't act his way out of a paper
bag!"

Zanuck, who may not have had the wisdom of
King Solomon but was nevertheless smarter than
all these turkeys put together, regally ordained,
"The kid stays in the picture."

"The kid" was Robert Evans, who eventually
produced "The Godfather," "Chinatown,"
"Rosemary's Baby" and a host of other worldwide
blockbuster entertainments.

Today New York has its own "kid," Eli Manning.  
And the critics are howling for his blood as well.

As my old boss, Pops, who couldn't read or write
for shit but ended his life as an immensely rich
man, God Rest His Soul, once pronounced to me
in a stentorian exclamation, "Thoroughbreds are
not made, they're born."  My practical experience
leads me to fervently believe in the truthfulness
of that statement.  Some are born with athletic
ability and some not, me - not.  I have been
training and playing sports my whole life, and the
most you can say about me is that I can fit into
the freight elevator without first having to grease
my backside with chicken fat to pop through the
door.

I couldn't throw a 40-yard touchdown pass with a
defensive line of 300-lb.tackles trying to squash
me if you offered me a million bucks.  I don't
have the genetics.  As Pops patiently explained
me, thoroughbred racehorses derive from
bloodlines.  That's why Secretariat earned
countless millions for doing what comes
naturally, and it's the same with people.

It's for that reason that I would advise any
football-mad woman who dreams of giving birth
to an All American quarterback to try to arrange a
date with 1978 NFL MVP Archie Manning.  He
sired two fine quarterbacks, Peyton and Eli.

Peyton Manning, nobody is disputing.  But Eli is
a little more controversial.  He bobbles the ball.  
Sometimes he gets sacked and thrown for a loss.
 More frequently than that he has a tendency to
land passes into the loving arms of grateful
defensive interceptors like he did last weekend to
Buffalo linebacker Keith Ellison, leading to
Marshawn Lynch's TD one minute into the
second half ha-ha!  Five fumbles and two
interceptions - I almost choked up my beer!

Never mind that.  The Giants did a fantastic job
of running the ball and dominating the second
half against Buffalo.  Brandon Jacobs was
obviously the sparkplug of keeping them in the
game through its most difficult moments, and I
totally despaired when he was forced out with an
injury - until I saw Ahmet Bradshaw totally take
control of the game, shooting 88 yards down the
icy field like a freakin Roman candle.

The Giants are loaded with talent in depth.  They
have so much star quality that I'm not going to
list it right here.  I'm just going to get to the point.

Anybody who suggests that the Giants should
avoid taking chances against the Patriots to avoid
injuries going into the playoffs is obviously
smoking inferior quality stuff.  The Patriots are
not Team Terminator, they are a team of men
who are riding an incredible string of good luck.  
Oh yeah, they got talent and they're motivated.  
They got Tom Brady, but if you take him out of
the equation the Giants are man-for-man the
equal of the Patriots any day.

In terms of Eli Manning, maybe at this early stage
of his career he is not equal of Brady or of his
brother, but he has closely adhered to Tom
Coughlin's and Kevin Gilbride's offensive
strategy, and he has captained a very satisfying
10-5 season, leading to a playoff spot, for the
fans.

Manning has got talent and he has got a big
heart.  You never know, backed up by all the
excellent talent that the Giants possess, he might
have a fantastic day against New England and
completely tear up all the smug prognostications
of Patriot invincibility.  Wouldn't that be
something!

As for all the bloated, corrupt, drunken New York
sportswriters who are using Eli Manning as a
trampoline despite all his obviously fine qualities,
I have only one thing to say by way of a riposte:

"The kid stays in the picture."
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